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Love Kills #1
Why Are You Here?
A party in the Hollywood Hills.
A perfectly timed smoke break.
A chance encounter.
From the moment I laid eyes on Judah Colt, I knew I was screwed.
He was a whirlwind of emotions, a disastrous tornado of need, while I was only searching for a taste of reckless abandon and a chance to let go.
What I got was almost more than I could handle.
In the blink of an eye, I was no longer just a fan, a girl with an obsession, but instead I became a necessity—to the music, to the fans, to Judah himself.
Together, we were a chaotic mess of feelings, fears, and attitudes, but apart it all got worse.
Neither of us were ready for love—especially not the kind we found—but once we started...there was no going back.
We are Phoenix and Judah.
Nix and Jude.
Baby Bird and her Skyscraper.
Me and my twin flame.
OFFICIAL TRIGGER WARNING: This is a work of fiction with mature themes such as emotional trauma, drug use, strong language, infidelity, and suicide references. It is not recommended for anyone under the age of 18.
A perfectly timed smoke break.
A chance encounter.
From the moment I laid eyes on Judah Colt, I knew I was screwed.
He was a whirlwind of emotions, a disastrous tornado of need, while I was only searching for a taste of reckless abandon and a chance to let go.
What I got was almost more than I could handle.
In the blink of an eye, I was no longer just a fan, a girl with an obsession, but instead I became a necessity—to the music, to the fans, to Judah himself.
Together, we were a chaotic mess of feelings, fears, and attitudes, but apart it all got worse.
Neither of us were ready for love—especially not the kind we found—but once we started...there was no going back.
We are Phoenix and Judah.
Nix and Jude.
Baby Bird and her Skyscraper.
Me and my twin flame.
OFFICIAL TRIGGER WARNING: This is a work of fiction with mature themes such as emotional trauma, drug use, strong language, infidelity, and suicide references. It is not recommended for anyone under the age of 18.
482 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 13, 2020
About the author
Brianna Jean
8 books829 followersBrianna Jean is a book loving, donut eating, vodka drinking, kind of human. Born and raised in Buffalo, NY, she thinks pizza and chicken wings are a food group and the Buffalo Bills are a way of life (even if they lose).
She has a daughter named Harley, two fur babies, and an incredibly supportive other half. She writes modern dark romance, set in both fantasy and contemporary worlds, and lives everyday with characters wrecking havoc in her brain. Writing is her passion, books are her favorite pastime, and music soothes her soul.
Loud, sassy, and a little embarrassing, Brianna lives to love herself and those around her. Being an author was the dream, and now that dream is coming true—one book at a time.
INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/_briannajeanbooks
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/briannajeanb...
BOOKBUB: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/brian...
JOIN MY READERS GROUP: https://bit.ly/2N4yjpl
She has a daughter named Harley, two fur babies, and an incredibly supportive other half. She writes modern dark romance, set in both fantasy and contemporary worlds, and lives everyday with characters wrecking havoc in her brain. Writing is her passion, books are her favorite pastime, and music soothes her soul.
Loud, sassy, and a little embarrassing, Brianna lives to love herself and those around her. Being an author was the dream, and now that dream is coming true—one book at a time.
INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/_briannajeanbooks
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/briannajeanb...
BOOKBUB: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/brian...
JOIN MY READERS GROUP: https://bit.ly/2N4yjpl
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 263 reviews
July 13, 2020
'WHY ARE YOU HERE' is the first, full length romance book in new to me author 'Brianna Jean's' series. Spoken in 'Dual Perspectives. This is Judah's and Phoenix's story.
Absolutely nothing could've prepared me for this book, emotionally or physically, at the end of it I was completely drained and felt like I'd lived a thousand lives, this book in all it's ugliness undid me. I fell at this authors feet, feeling everything she'd poured into this book, these two characters were beyond broken, their love was chaotic and toxic, but they loved fully and freely without qualms and we were along for the tumultuous ride that these two were on.
Their's isn't a traditional love story, it's raw and it's real. They both have demons and weaknesses which brought me to my knees. I felt for them. I lived through them. I hated what they'd endured. I cried for them. Such an emotional rollercoaster of a ride.
Even though this is J&P's story we're introduced to secondary characters which they will leave their stamp on you too, hours later you'll still be thinking and pining over these characters.
May 30, 2021
4.75 stars ⭐️
“For the first time in ten years, I wanted to dream. I wanted to set a goal and achieve it. I wanted to…love. Or learn to love. Or get ready for love, or whatever the fuck—I just wanted peace.
I wanted to feel safe from my own mind.”
Gonna be totally real and honest and say that this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. The characters are flawed, they keep stuff to themselves because no one gets them, they make mistakes,they do drugs, try to forget about their own shit by using booze but this is REAL. This is exactly what people mean when say that they are beyond saving and that they are fucked in their head.
Reading the blurb, you might think this is a novel revolving a rockstar and his fan whose worlds collide but you couldn’t have anything possibly right. This is so much more. Judah and Phoenix are so much more.
”I felt Phoenix Royal in the marrow of my bones. She was in my heart, in my head, in the tips of my fingers. She breathed new life into me, but that didn’t mean we were ready for all this. Because we weren’t. Not even a little bit.”
Phoenix Royal has her demons. She uses drugs as an escape to everything and is a suicide survivor. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone about her past even if it’s killing her inside. She is a fighter through and through. It’s always hard to not listen to your mind which tells you repeatedly to give up but I admire her strength so much.
“He’s angry but needy as fuck, bitter but looking to be taken care of. It makes his damage almost adorable, even though it seems like he likes to fight.”
Judah Colt is a rapper. He has his own demons and he writes about stuff which haunts him and not just catchy lyrics which might make few other musicians hate him but his fans love him for his honesty. I love him for his honesty. He has issues, deep issues and he has also got anger issues but that doesn’t make him any less, does it?
”Phoenix, every single one of mine are saying that if you’re the devil that will serve me my death sentence, then that’s the way I’ll go. I won’t question it, I don’t even want to, because I don’t care how long we live, how long this lasts, or how messy it gets, as long as I spend the time I have left fucking shit up and getting messy with you.”
Their relationship is anything but healthy.Its toxic. They fight a lot, they irritate you to no ends. I’m gonna go straight and tell you this isn’t your “feel-good” romance, its “real”. The guy isnt charming in the book, the guy has issues, he gets mad, he throws stuff around and manipulates. The girl isn’t your normal heroine. She is insecure to whole another level, runs away from commitments BUT no matter how toxic they are, they are each other’s half. They need each other.
”You and I can break each other’s hearts over and over again, and nothing will change the fact that when we’re together, our shared soul will always make it right. We can be both the death and the life of each other, Phoenix.”
I’ll warn you again this book isn’t it if you’re looking for a sweet romance or hero saving the girl but if you’re searching for something real, something new, something which makes you curious, which makes you feel all the emotions, THIS IS IT.
”He was the other half to my soul.The other half to my soul.I guessed that’s when it hit me.He was my twin flame.”
BR with my fav Neelakshi thanks for handling my freak outs and listening to me rant about how this book was testing my limits and freaking me out cause the experience I had with this book was out of the world.
“For the first time in ten years, I wanted to dream. I wanted to set a goal and achieve it. I wanted to…love. Or learn to love. Or get ready for love, or whatever the fuck—I just wanted peace.
I wanted to feel safe from my own mind.”
Gonna be totally real and honest and say that this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. The characters are flawed, they keep stuff to themselves because no one gets them, they make mistakes,they do drugs, try to forget about their own shit by using booze but this is REAL. This is exactly what people mean when say that they are beyond saving and that they are fucked in their head.
Reading the blurb, you might think this is a novel revolving a rockstar and his fan whose worlds collide but you couldn’t have anything possibly right. This is so much more. Judah and Phoenix are so much more.
”I felt Phoenix Royal in the marrow of my bones. She was in my heart, in my head, in the tips of my fingers. She breathed new life into me, but that didn’t mean we were ready for all this. Because we weren’t. Not even a little bit.”
Phoenix Royal has her demons. She uses drugs as an escape to everything and is a suicide survivor. She doesn’t want to talk to anyone about her past even if it’s killing her inside. She is a fighter through and through. It’s always hard to not listen to your mind which tells you repeatedly to give up but I admire her strength so much.
“He’s angry but needy as fuck, bitter but looking to be taken care of. It makes his damage almost adorable, even though it seems like he likes to fight.”
Judah Colt is a rapper. He has his own demons and he writes about stuff which haunts him and not just catchy lyrics which might make few other musicians hate him but his fans love him for his honesty. I love him for his honesty. He has issues, deep issues and he has also got anger issues but that doesn’t make him any less, does it?
”Phoenix, every single one of mine are saying that if you’re the devil that will serve me my death sentence, then that’s the way I’ll go. I won’t question it, I don’t even want to, because I don’t care how long we live, how long this lasts, or how messy it gets, as long as I spend the time I have left fucking shit up and getting messy with you.”
Their relationship is anything but healthy.Its toxic. They fight a lot, they irritate you to no ends. I’m gonna go straight and tell you this isn’t your “feel-good” romance, its “real”. The guy isnt charming in the book, the guy has issues, he gets mad, he throws stuff around and manipulates. The girl isn’t your normal heroine. She is insecure to whole another level, runs away from commitments BUT no matter how toxic they are, they are each other’s half. They need each other.
”You and I can break each other’s hearts over and over again, and nothing will change the fact that when we’re together, our shared soul will always make it right. We can be both the death and the life of each other, Phoenix.”
I’ll warn you again this book isn’t it if you’re looking for a sweet romance or hero saving the girl but if you’re searching for something real, something new, something which makes you curious, which makes you feel all the emotions, THIS IS IT.
”He was the other half to my soul.The other half to my soul.I guessed that’s when it hit me.He was my twin flame.”
BR with my fav Neelakshi thanks for handling my freak outs and listening to me rant about how this book was testing my limits and freaking me out cause the experience I had with this book was out of the world.
January 24, 2021
4,5. This book has a lot of deep thoughts, the characters are broken and I am really depressed right now!
But this story is amazing.
For me it’s worth the reading!
But this story is amazing.
For me it’s worth the reading!
Shelved as 'avoid'
May 8, 2023Self note SPOILERS for all 3 books!
Read the spoilers Yes, he went on to fuck other girls during his tour, because he’s a rockstar.
During their brief separation..
He fucks more ow/groupies, rubs it in to hurt the h, but the h forgives all instantly when she visits him.
She remained celibate during it all and pined for him like a good spineless doormat.🙄
Oh and apparently it turns into a love triangle in book 2,
where the H from this book, continues to binge on other women and drugs, while the h falls for another H, saying the H from book 1 wasnt her end game.
Book 2 made it seem like she would end up with the nice guy from book 2, but
The doormat ultimately ends up with the Cheating druggie H from book 1, and not the nice guy.
So here’s another sexist fucking author to avoid.
Also this series has way too many 5 stars for it to be genuine.
Avoiding.
———————-
Anyone have safety spoilers for this series? Any cheating?
Read the spoilers Yes, he went on to fuck other girls during his tour, because he’s a rockstar.
During their brief separation..
He fucks more ow/groupies, rubs it in to hurt the h, but the h forgives all instantly when she visits him.
She remained celibate during it all and pined for him like a good spineless doormat.🙄
Oh and apparently it turns into a love triangle in book 2,
where the H from this book, continues to binge on other women and drugs, while the h falls for another H, saying the H from book 1 wasnt her end game.
Book 2 made it seem like she would end up with the nice guy from book 2, but
The doormat ultimately ends up with the Cheating druggie H from book 1, and not the nice guy.
So here’s another sexist fucking author to avoid.
Also this series has way too many 5 stars for it to be genuine.
Avoiding.
———————-
Anyone have safety spoilers for this series? Any cheating?
July 1, 2020
There's nothing anyone could have told me about this book that would have mentally prepared me for the rollercoaster it really is, not even Brianna herself. I went into this thinking I had it on lock, that I could hang and everything would be okay. Yeah, no. I wasn't even 50% in and I'd already sobbed like a lunatic once. By the end, I was a wreck. This is your warning if you haven't received one as of yet. SUIT UP, friends, 'cause it's one helluva ride.
On the surface, Why Are You Here seems like an easy breezy yet intriguing contemporary romance novel revolving around a Rap star and die-hard fan who collide hard as all hell. This is where that saying comes in handy and is all too true: Never judge a book by its cover. It's so much more than those pretty neon lights. So. Much. More.
Judah and Phoenix are unlike any couple I've ever read about. I'm not one to fill my review with spoilers, so the best I can give you is that their love is that chaotic kind. Acidic yet sweet. Off-the-charts insane yet oddly balanced, too. As two people who were, unfortunately, dealt a shitty hand for this thing we call life, that hand has shaped who they are, how they function, how they process, how they communicate (or don't communicate,) how they cope. It's not always pretty. In fact, things can get ugly at the drop of a hat, but watching them pick up the pieces is fascinating and heartwarming. As individuals, they're both layered characters, but as a couple, the layers shared between them are endless.
It's not just J&P, though. Both the world-building and character-building are phenomenally layered. This book introduces us to a whole cast of amazing characters that'll leave you wanting to hop through your Kindle just for a five-minute chill session with them all. They're a lovable, relatable, and hilarious bunch, and I'm extremely interested to see what Brianna has in store for them all.
All in all, my biggest recommendation for all you waiting to dive in is: GO IN BLIND. Stop reading reviews, and go in blind. Make sure you have tissues and a stiff drink, too, 'cause I promise you'll need it when it's all said and done.
#YSYW can't get here fast enough.
September 12, 2020
tw // drugs, mention of suicide, mention of abuse
Why are you here? was so intense to read yet I couldn’t put it down and read it almost in one sitting. It was my first book by Brianna and I’m so happy that I decided to give it a try. And after reading this I must say that she is such a great author!
Judah and Phoenix are both broken and went through the most difficult moments of their lives. But when two broken souls like them meet each other it often brings something good to their miserable lives. Their relationship was really toxic, but I couldn’t help but love them. They were so wrong yet so perfect for each other. Their deep and emotional conversations got me on so many levels, and it just proved how they really needed this type of relationship. From the first moment on the rooftop, they were just meant to be.. I mean, they are twin flames after all.
What I love the most about this story is how it really shows how it works in the music industry. Brianna, of course, highlights the pros of being famous - money, fame, getting literally everything. But at the same time, she writes about how hard it is to be a musician with haters, paps and fans being on their back all the time. Honestly, I just love every aspect of this story.
The side characters are great as well. Judah’s friends and Frankie perfectly fit the story and I loved scenes with them.
The ending really got me and I kept on re-reading the last two chapters, trying to come up with what’s gonna happen in the next book, but I came with nothing because with this story you never know. All I know is that I’m just insanely excited!
***
Follow me on Instagram for book edits.
Why are you here? was so intense to read yet I couldn’t put it down and read it almost in one sitting. It was my first book by Brianna and I’m so happy that I decided to give it a try. And after reading this I must say that she is such a great author!
Judah and Phoenix are both broken and went through the most difficult moments of their lives. But when two broken souls like them meet each other it often brings something good to their miserable lives. Their relationship was really toxic, but I couldn’t help but love them. They were so wrong yet so perfect for each other. Their deep and emotional conversations got me on so many levels, and it just proved how they really needed this type of relationship. From the first moment on the rooftop, they were just meant to be.. I mean, they are twin flames after all.
What I love the most about this story is how it really shows how it works in the music industry. Brianna, of course, highlights the pros of being famous - money, fame, getting literally everything. But at the same time, she writes about how hard it is to be a musician with haters, paps and fans being on their back all the time. Honestly, I just love every aspect of this story.
The side characters are great as well. Judah’s friends and Frankie perfectly fit the story and I loved scenes with them.
The ending really got me and I kept on re-reading the last two chapters, trying to come up with what’s gonna happen in the next book, but I came with nothing because with this story you never know. All I know is that I’m just insanely excited!
***
Follow me on Instagram for book edits.
July 13, 2020
Why Are You Here by Brianna Jean got me right in my feelings. I ran the gamut of emotions while reading this book, and it contains some of my favorite story elements: a strong heroine, a soul-deep emotional connection between the main characters, intriguing and dynamic secondary characters, and an empowering female friendship. It’s a fresh new take on the rockstar/celebrity romance trope, and I LOVE it.
First, know that WAYH is a monster of a book (like a 130k-ish word monster), but it doesn’t feel long when you’re reading it. Brianna Jean sucks you into this world and immerses you into these relationships until you feel like you’re part of the story. Phoenix Royal and Frankie Skyes are *my girls* now, and I’m invested in Judah Colt’s character arc.
Phoenix Royal, the heroine, has been through some stuff. She lost herself for a while when trying to figure out how to deal with her trauma, but she’s trying to find her way back to herself, her home, her best friend, and the things she once loved.
Phoenix is strong in the sense that she’s in the process of pulling herself forward but she still maintains her sassiness and softness. She knows how, why, and where she’s broken, but she’s actively learning how to heal and make something new of her remaining pieces. She loves her friend Frankie with her whole heart— sometimes more than she loves herself— and she stays fierce even when things feel hopeless. Phoenix is such a layered, complex, and lovable character, and I adore her.
Judah Colt is a rap sensation. He’s breaking molds in an unforgiving industry, using music to tell his truth even when he gets shamed for it. He’s extremely talented, but he’s also damaged. Like, core-deep and full body kind of damage. Like, I can self-destruct at any minute and everyone who loves me will be a casualty kind of damage.
I’m not going to lie— Judah Colt is a tough character to contend with. He’s messy, he’s selfish, and sometimes he’s downright mean. But what I loved about this book is that Brianna Jean doesn’t romanticize Judah’s damage. She writes him as realistically complex and inherently flawed, but with hope for healing and growth. Because mixed in with the damage is also a man who is thoughtful, loyal, and loves fiercely, but who needs to learn how to love healthily and wholly.
Judah and Phoenix meet on a rooftop, and there’s an instant connection. While Judah doesn’t quite understand the deep pull he feels toward Phoenix, she knows exactly why she’s so drawn to him. Phoenix has a secret that ties her closer to Judah than he knows, and he’s extremely important to her even before they even speak. Their romance happens quickly, and it’s intense. They crash into each other with such violent force that both of their worlds are impacted, and the aftershocks never quite disappear.
The part of P and J’s love story that you get in WAYH is passionate and sexy and VERY heated. Their sexual chemistry is complete fire, and the way they interact is full of playful banter and emotional truths. But their relationship is also laced with the kind of toxicity that can only come from two very damaged characters. Judah doesn’t know how to love or be loved, and Phoenix is still relearning how to love herself. But while Phoenix is trying to heal and grow, Judah is stagnant, and despite their soul-deep connection, their opposing motivations clash violently.
The book ends on the type of gut punch that leaves you gasping and begging for the next book, BUT it’s also a moment that I had intensely mixed feelings about. My body physically ached for these characters, and even though I finished WAYH over a week ago, I had to sit on this review until I could find the right words to express my thoughts. Judah and Phoenix are complicated and complex and delicate. They can’t be summed up with in just a few words or phrases. They are DEEP. Brianna Jean went DEEP with these two, and I have a feeling WAYH is only brushing the surface.
If you read and loved BJ’s debut novel The Rise of Monsters, know that this is different because it’s contemporary novel, but in my honest opinion, WAYH better. TROM is a good book, but WAYH is a better book. I loved the TROM crew, but I think I might love the Love Kills crew more. Brianna Jean’s growth and improvement as a writer is visible through the crispness and clarity of the imagery, the expertly woven plot, and the deep development the characters. I honestly can’t sing this novel’s praises enough.
Also, I can’t end this review without saying that Frankie Skyes is freaking brilliant and I am completely in love with her. IN LOVE. In my brain, Frankie and Phoenix have welcomed me into their girlgang with open arms and now we’re besties for life.
Ok. Anyway. Get WAYH. Join me on the BJ fangirl train, and come be friends with Frankie and Phoenix with me. The end.
**BETA read.
First, know that WAYH is a monster of a book (like a 130k-ish word monster), but it doesn’t feel long when you’re reading it. Brianna Jean sucks you into this world and immerses you into these relationships until you feel like you’re part of the story. Phoenix Royal and Frankie Skyes are *my girls* now, and I’m invested in Judah Colt’s character arc.
Phoenix Royal, the heroine, has been through some stuff. She lost herself for a while when trying to figure out how to deal with her trauma, but she’s trying to find her way back to herself, her home, her best friend, and the things she once loved.
Phoenix is strong in the sense that she’s in the process of pulling herself forward but she still maintains her sassiness and softness. She knows how, why, and where she’s broken, but she’s actively learning how to heal and make something new of her remaining pieces. She loves her friend Frankie with her whole heart— sometimes more than she loves herself— and she stays fierce even when things feel hopeless. Phoenix is such a layered, complex, and lovable character, and I adore her.
Judah Colt is a rap sensation. He’s breaking molds in an unforgiving industry, using music to tell his truth even when he gets shamed for it. He’s extremely talented, but he’s also damaged. Like, core-deep and full body kind of damage. Like, I can self-destruct at any minute and everyone who loves me will be a casualty kind of damage.
I’m not going to lie— Judah Colt is a tough character to contend with. He’s messy, he’s selfish, and sometimes he’s downright mean. But what I loved about this book is that Brianna Jean doesn’t romanticize Judah’s damage. She writes him as realistically complex and inherently flawed, but with hope for healing and growth. Because mixed in with the damage is also a man who is thoughtful, loyal, and loves fiercely, but who needs to learn how to love healthily and wholly.
Judah and Phoenix meet on a rooftop, and there’s an instant connection. While Judah doesn’t quite understand the deep pull he feels toward Phoenix, she knows exactly why she’s so drawn to him. Phoenix has a secret that ties her closer to Judah than he knows, and he’s extremely important to her even before they even speak. Their romance happens quickly, and it’s intense. They crash into each other with such violent force that both of their worlds are impacted, and the aftershocks never quite disappear.
The part of P and J’s love story that you get in WAYH is passionate and sexy and VERY heated. Their sexual chemistry is complete fire, and the way they interact is full of playful banter and emotional truths. But their relationship is also laced with the kind of toxicity that can only come from two very damaged characters. Judah doesn’t know how to love or be loved, and Phoenix is still relearning how to love herself. But while Phoenix is trying to heal and grow, Judah is stagnant, and despite their soul-deep connection, their opposing motivations clash violently.
The book ends on the type of gut punch that leaves you gasping and begging for the next book, BUT it’s also a moment that I had intensely mixed feelings about. My body physically ached for these characters, and even though I finished WAYH over a week ago, I had to sit on this review until I could find the right words to express my thoughts. Judah and Phoenix are complicated and complex and delicate. They can’t be summed up with in just a few words or phrases. They are DEEP. Brianna Jean went DEEP with these two, and I have a feeling WAYH is only brushing the surface.
If you read and loved BJ’s debut novel The Rise of Monsters, know that this is different because it’s contemporary novel, but in my honest opinion, WAYH better. TROM is a good book, but WAYH is a better book. I loved the TROM crew, but I think I might love the Love Kills crew more. Brianna Jean’s growth and improvement as a writer is visible through the crispness and clarity of the imagery, the expertly woven plot, and the deep development the characters. I honestly can’t sing this novel’s praises enough.
Also, I can’t end this review without saying that Frankie Skyes is freaking brilliant and I am completely in love with her. IN LOVE. In my brain, Frankie and Phoenix have welcomed me into their girlgang with open arms and now we’re besties for life.
Ok. Anyway. Get WAYH. Join me on the BJ fangirl train, and come be friends with Frankie and Phoenix with me. The end.
**BETA read.
July 14, 2020
“From one fucked soul to another, steel yourself. This industry is ruthless.”
THE FUCKING GOOSEBUMPS YO.
.
^that was one of the edits I sent to @brianna when I beta read this book. I know you may sit there and think that because I beta read this book that my review is going to be bias, but if you’ve been following me long enough you know I’m always brutally honest.
.
I can honestly say this book gutted me and left me feeling emotionally spent. I want to be honest with that because this isn’t a soft, gentle, sweet rockstar romance. This book is about twin flames finding each other on a rooftop in the Hollywood hills. This book is about the REAL highs and lows of growing up. Of relationships. Of finding the other half of you at the wrong time in your life. Of not being mentally or emotionally ready to accept yourself let alone someone else... but it’s also about the indescribable and blinding love that you feel when you’ve found your twin flame. The way they help you grow. The way they instantly feel like home. The connection to them that feels like you’ve known them all your life. The fact that you’ve found your mirror image. There’s so much beauty in finding your twin flame and this book shows it.
.
For me, this book is impossible to summarise because it’s more than just a book. It’s real life. It’s real experiences. It’s feelings and emotions I’ve personally felt which meant I connected to this book on a different level. It means that I’ve connected with B on a different level because this book was her story. I couldn’t be more thankful for her writing this book and sharing this with us.
.
Phoenix and Judah are all of us, they are a part of us. They are relatable, lovable and at times, hilarious, and others, they are heartbreaking. Frankie and Pharaoh are the most incredible side characters in this book. They are the best friends that anyone could want and I need to drag them off these pages and into my life! We’re also introduced to so many other characters that we will learn more about in the future and I can’t wait to see where B takes them.
.
I’m not even sure if this review makes much sense and if it doesn’t then I do apologise! I’ll just finish by saying please take the emotional trigger warning seriously. This book is hardcore and left me sobbing on multiple occasions so please don’t think this will be a fun and light read. It’s not. It’s real, raw, beautiful and heartbreaking. That is all I have to say for now. Maybe I’ll be able to write a proper review when the series is finished....
THE FUCKING GOOSEBUMPS YO.
.
^that was one of the edits I sent to @brianna when I beta read this book. I know you may sit there and think that because I beta read this book that my review is going to be bias, but if you’ve been following me long enough you know I’m always brutally honest.
.
I can honestly say this book gutted me and left me feeling emotionally spent. I want to be honest with that because this isn’t a soft, gentle, sweet rockstar romance. This book is about twin flames finding each other on a rooftop in the Hollywood hills. This book is about the REAL highs and lows of growing up. Of relationships. Of finding the other half of you at the wrong time in your life. Of not being mentally or emotionally ready to accept yourself let alone someone else... but it’s also about the indescribable and blinding love that you feel when you’ve found your twin flame. The way they help you grow. The way they instantly feel like home. The connection to them that feels like you’ve known them all your life. The fact that you’ve found your mirror image. There’s so much beauty in finding your twin flame and this book shows it.
.
For me, this book is impossible to summarise because it’s more than just a book. It’s real life. It’s real experiences. It’s feelings and emotions I’ve personally felt which meant I connected to this book on a different level. It means that I’ve connected with B on a different level because this book was her story. I couldn’t be more thankful for her writing this book and sharing this with us.
.
Phoenix and Judah are all of us, they are a part of us. They are relatable, lovable and at times, hilarious, and others, they are heartbreaking. Frankie and Pharaoh are the most incredible side characters in this book. They are the best friends that anyone could want and I need to drag them off these pages and into my life! We’re also introduced to so many other characters that we will learn more about in the future and I can’t wait to see where B takes them.
.
I’m not even sure if this review makes much sense and if it doesn’t then I do apologise! I’ll just finish by saying please take the emotional trigger warning seriously. This book is hardcore and left me sobbing on multiple occasions so please don’t think this will be a fun and light read. It’s not. It’s real, raw, beautiful and heartbreaking. That is all I have to say for now. Maybe I’ll be able to write a proper review when the series is finished....
June 16, 2021
this was such a rollercoaster 😟 I'm the one in need of therapy now
July 18, 2020
WHY ARE YOU HERE? By Brianna Jean is Book One in the Love Kills Series.
This author Brianna Jean is a new to me author, she literally popped up at a time that I needed her book, from the moment I laid eyes on this cover and then this blurb. I was completely undone, I was SOLD.
I am going to start off with saying that with this book you need to go in blind. Do not read reviews because they won't do this book justice. You need to experience everything this book has to offer and let me tell you now that this book offers you so much.
If you don't like cheating, other man, other women drama. I wouldn't recommend this book for you. The triggers are definitely emotional trauma, and suicide references.
This is one of those books that you as the reader don't know what to expect, you think you know what is going to happen but then this author throws bombs left, right and centre. Throwing you completely left field. This is a ride that even no matter how much you are prepared for it, you won't be. Let me tell you one thing, have some tissues and your choice of alcohol nearby as your going to need it.
Judah and Phoenix are two characters that you will never expect.
This book won't be easy to read, it's one of those books where the characters go through things that they can't control. Judah and Phoenix have their own set of issues but they are twin of flames so its unavoidable. Their crash and burn is unavoidable. This is their story.
This book will slaughter you, it takes you on such an emotional roller coaster ride. These two characters are like a moth to a flame, magnets, are in sync. You know what screw it, they are all those descriptive words that you would use to say someone has a connection, attraction.
From their first initial meeting you could tell that there was something special, it was like familiar feeling of calling something or someone home but in reality they are just strangers who have just met. They have this ability to read one another, they can tell when one is going to shut down, and what needs to be said or done to remove that fog that is covering their mind. These two are something so fucking special that I am struggling to put into words.
These two characters right here, are toxic. A pair that in all things considered shouldn't be together but these no denying the deep, emotional and physical connection they have. They understand each others pain and fill a broken piece the other was missing from deep inside. They rely on one another for survival.
Their connection/ attraction just intensifies each time they are in the same room. Their broken calls to one another's broken. They are a puzzle that is set in a million pieces, and here you are trying to piece them back together to figure out every part of them that makes them tick. loose control, and shut down.
This is a book that I feel many will connect with emotionally, it was like this author had somehow clawed her way inside my mind the moment that I started this book. In a way it felt like I was walking along side them and feeling all that they were feeling. I can't even tell you how many times I teared up or let the tears leak down my face. I cry for their past, their present and their future that is still yet to come. This is a story that will stick by me and one that I will probably never recover from.
To say I am ruined would be an understatement, to be honest I didn't expect this book to hit me in all of the feels and the triggers to twist with my own. In a way I felt like I connected with these characters on a more personal level which might be the reason why thy this book will stick by me and will be one that I won't recover from.
Despite the emotions that Brianna Jean brought out in me, anger, sadness, fear she also brought out strength, hope and happiness. Even though Judah and Phoenix's story is perfectly imperfectly and so jagged. There are glimpses of just how amazing their story is going to end up being.
Besides this being J&P's Story, we are introduced to both the world building and character building of this story. This book introduces us to a whole cast of amazing characters that you can't help but want to know so much about. I am hoping this author has something up her sleeve for these guys.
In all honesty, read this book. Its beyond anything I have read before, I've never read two emotionally broken characters and I feel that each and every one of you that read this book will connect to the pain, anger and sadness that J and P Live with.
This author Brianna Jean is a new to me author, she literally popped up at a time that I needed her book, from the moment I laid eyes on this cover and then this blurb. I was completely undone, I was SOLD.
I am going to start off with saying that with this book you need to go in blind. Do not read reviews because they won't do this book justice. You need to experience everything this book has to offer and let me tell you now that this book offers you so much.
If you don't like cheating, other man, other women drama. I wouldn't recommend this book for you. The triggers are definitely emotional trauma, and suicide references.
This is one of those books that you as the reader don't know what to expect, you think you know what is going to happen but then this author throws bombs left, right and centre. Throwing you completely left field. This is a ride that even no matter how much you are prepared for it, you won't be. Let me tell you one thing, have some tissues and your choice of alcohol nearby as your going to need it.
Judah and Phoenix are two characters that you will never expect.
This book won't be easy to read, it's one of those books where the characters go through things that they can't control. Judah and Phoenix have their own set of issues but they are twin of flames so its unavoidable. Their crash and burn is unavoidable. This is their story.
This book will slaughter you, it takes you on such an emotional roller coaster ride. These two characters are like a moth to a flame, magnets, are in sync. You know what screw it, they are all those descriptive words that you would use to say someone has a connection, attraction.
From their first initial meeting you could tell that there was something special, it was like familiar feeling of calling something or someone home but in reality they are just strangers who have just met. They have this ability to read one another, they can tell when one is going to shut down, and what needs to be said or done to remove that fog that is covering their mind. These two are something so fucking special that I am struggling to put into words.
These two characters right here, are toxic. A pair that in all things considered shouldn't be together but these no denying the deep, emotional and physical connection they have. They understand each others pain and fill a broken piece the other was missing from deep inside. They rely on one another for survival.
Their connection/ attraction just intensifies each time they are in the same room. Their broken calls to one another's broken. They are a puzzle that is set in a million pieces, and here you are trying to piece them back together to figure out every part of them that makes them tick. loose control, and shut down.
This is a book that I feel many will connect with emotionally, it was like this author had somehow clawed her way inside my mind the moment that I started this book. In a way it felt like I was walking along side them and feeling all that they were feeling. I can't even tell you how many times I teared up or let the tears leak down my face. I cry for their past, their present and their future that is still yet to come. This is a story that will stick by me and one that I will probably never recover from.
To say I am ruined would be an understatement, to be honest I didn't expect this book to hit me in all of the feels and the triggers to twist with my own. In a way I felt like I connected with these characters on a more personal level which might be the reason why thy this book will stick by me and will be one that I won't recover from.
Despite the emotions that Brianna Jean brought out in me, anger, sadness, fear she also brought out strength, hope and happiness. Even though Judah and Phoenix's story is perfectly imperfectly and so jagged. There are glimpses of just how amazing their story is going to end up being.
Besides this being J&P's Story, we are introduced to both the world building and character building of this story. This book introduces us to a whole cast of amazing characters that you can't help but want to know so much about. I am hoping this author has something up her sleeve for these guys.
In all honesty, read this book. Its beyond anything I have read before, I've never read two emotionally broken characters and I feel that each and every one of you that read this book will connect to the pain, anger and sadness that J and P Live with.
January 18, 2021
5 *OMFG* stars
This book is insane. I loved everything about this. It's so crazy and so good.
Really this book is amazing.
Congratulations Brianna you rock it .
And I need sooooooo bad book 2 !!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
5 *insanas* estrelas
Cara esse livro é f*d@ pra caralh*.
Sério a psique dele é loucaaa a autora entrou realmente na história .
EU NECESSITO LIVRO 2 TANTOOOOOOOOOI
This book is insane. I loved everything about this. It's so crazy and so good.
Really this book is amazing.
Congratulations Brianna you rock it .
And I need sooooooo bad book 2 !!!!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
5 *insanas* estrelas
Cara esse livro é f*d@ pra caralh*.
Sério a psique dele é loucaaa a autora entrou realmente na história .
EU NECESSITO LIVRO 2 TANTOOOOOOOOOI
June 13, 2022
4.5 stars!!
cw: toxic relationship, suicide, death of a loved one, depression, drug abuse and addiction, unhealthy dynamics.
this was EVERYTHING that i love! the toxicity, the night life, relevant to our times, the cool as fuck characters.
this book was very different for me and i feel like i haven’t read anything similar! i loved the twin flame talk because twin flames have always intrigued me!
people often discourage relationships with twin flames because of how torturous and excruciating it is! i feel like Judah and Phoenix really represented it well!
the ONLY reason its not 5 stars is because i didn’t like the month long gaps at the end where we were told and not shown what happened. If there is going to be month long gaps i feel like they should have been *happy times* NOT the times where the dynamic of the relationship changed!
BUT i did love this book and im definitely excited to continue with this series!!!
cw: toxic relationship, suicide, death of a loved one, depression, drug abuse and addiction, unhealthy dynamics.
this was EVERYTHING that i love! the toxicity, the night life, relevant to our times, the cool as fuck characters.
this book was very different for me and i feel like i haven’t read anything similar! i loved the twin flame talk because twin flames have always intrigued me!
people often discourage relationships with twin flames because of how torturous and excruciating it is! i feel like Judah and Phoenix really represented it well!
the ONLY reason its not 5 stars is because i didn’t like the month long gaps at the end where we were told and not shown what happened. If there is going to be month long gaps i feel like they should have been *happy times* NOT the times where the dynamic of the relationship changed!
BUT i did love this book and im definitely excited to continue with this series!!!
June 11, 2021
A book hasn't had me feeling so many things all at once in a really long time. This was INSANE. Everything about it was painful in the best way possible.
August 17, 2021
OH YEAH, this book was about a relationship that's toxic as hell but with a dash of everything to make me adore it. like this reminded me of Lily and Lo but so much more codependent.
so yes, this book basically had a ton of tropes i love mixed into one. okay, okay, i have a ton to say about this so here's the plot:
firstly, i felt for this chick. like full-on, almost sobbed, for Phoenix. she's gone through so much and reading about her struggles through her head was just heartwrenching. but like lowkey... she was kinda annoying. i hated how each chapter, mostly the ones from her pov, were so long and there were just pages and pages and pages of her overthinking whether or not she should just text Judah. the shit-ton of telling wasn't fun in this story and aside from her tendencies to push Judah away, she's everything i like in a heroine. she's confident in her own skin, can hold her own, and isn't a doormat for the toxic-as-hell Judah (said so herself).
now that i mentioned Judah's toxic tendencies, i have to mention Phoenix, too, is very, very toxic in this book. they're like,, the perfect duo in all honesty. twin flames??? Phoenix said they are, and after reading each one of their interactions in thorough detail, i can vouch for that. anyway, Judah faces his own demons every single day, especially with being famous and receiving so much hate on a daily basis, but that doesn't detract him from pursuing Phoenix. NAH. his pursuit for her was like... borderline insane but so...
HE WANTED TO OWN HER. AND HE DID. OH, HE DID. THIS BOY DOESN'T BACK DOWN.
and like there are so many sensitive topics in this book so if you're planning to read this, please, please make sure u don't have a problem with excessive drinking, smoking, mentions of suicide, etc.
okay and the way they shared a blunt?
and did i mention they are codependent and toxic as hell? as i mentioned, Lily and Lo from the Addicted Series but make it even more toxic and codependent. Judah and Phoenix couldn't stay away from each other at all, and Phoenix was better at controlling it but Judah? this man couldn't, no, wouldn't stand it. but like ofc, that led to their demise because duh. this book ends on a cliffhanger and i just know the next book will be make me want to rip my hair out because these two are so stubborn and so in love.
🎤rapper!H and tattoo artist!h
🎤fan before meeting
🎤verycodependent relationship
🎤damaged, reborn heroine. damaged hero
🎤rich mcs
so yes, this book basically had a ton of tropes i love mixed into one. okay, okay, i have a ton to say about this so here's the plot:
⇢plot Phoenix "Nix" Royal (h) left LA after graduating high school to get over her childhood trauma alone. four years later, she's back living with her childhood best friend, Frankie who is a model, and is working towards getting a tattoo license. one night at a party, she meets Judah Colt (H), a famous rapper who saved her life through his music and their connection is just chef's kiss
firstly, i felt for this chick. like full-on, almost sobbed, for Phoenix. she's gone through so much and reading about her struggles through her head was just heartwrenching. but like lowkey... she was kinda annoying. i hated how each chapter, mostly the ones from her pov, were so long and there were just pages and pages and pages of her overthinking whether or not she should just text Judah. the shit-ton of telling wasn't fun in this story and aside from her tendencies to push Judah away, she's everything i like in a heroine. she's confident in her own skin, can hold her own, and isn't a doormat for the toxic-as-hell Judah (said so herself).
now that i mentioned Judah's toxic tendencies, i have to mention Phoenix, too, is very, very toxic in this book. they're like,, the perfect duo in all honesty. twin flames??? Phoenix said they are, and after reading each one of their interactions in thorough detail, i can vouch for that. anyway, Judah faces his own demons every single day, especially with being famous and receiving so much hate on a daily basis, but that doesn't detract him from pursuing Phoenix. NAH. his pursuit for her was like... borderline insane but so...
I truly didn’t give a flying fuck what Phoenix was to me. Didn’t care if she didn’t let me fuck her. I just wanted to keep her. Own her. Make her mine in whatever way she’d allow.
HE WANTED TO OWN HER. AND HE DID. OH, HE DID. THIS BOY DOESN'T BACK DOWN.
and like there are so many sensitive topics in this book so if you're planning to read this, please, please make sure u don't have a problem with excessive drinking, smoking, mentions of suicide, etc.
okay and the way they shared a blunt?
He nodded and lessened the pressure on my jaw, still watching my lips, but this time, he placed the blunt against my bottom one, demanding me to, “Hit it.” I did. As our faces were only inches apart, I pulled the smoke in my lungs, hoping I was right about where this was headed. Sure enough, as I held my breath, letting the weed do its job, he pulled the blunt away and lowered his face to mine, hovering just half an inch from touching, then whispered, “Give it to me.”
and did i mention they are codependent and toxic as hell? as i mentioned, Lily and Lo from the Addicted Series but make it even more toxic and codependent. Judah and Phoenix couldn't stay away from each other at all, and Phoenix was better at controlling it but Judah? this man couldn't, no, wouldn't stand it. but like ofc, that led to their demise because duh. this book ends on a cliffhanger and i just know the next book will be make me want to rip my hair out because these two are so stubborn and so in love.
November 8, 2020
“Because, Baby Bird, I’m crazier than you are. We’re a match made in hell.”
This is a messy and emotional love story. It is toxic with broken people both wanting and needing love. I loved the build of Phoenix and Judah relationship. It was slow burn but also chaotic.
“Phoenix, enough with the pressure, enough with caging yourself in, just…live with me. Be with me. Fall for me. Let me fall for you, messily and too hard.”
A unique New adult emotionally real romance.
That cliffhanger! Need the next now.
“Why are you burning this?”
This is a messy and emotional love story. It is toxic with broken people both wanting and needing love. I loved the build of Phoenix and Judah relationship. It was slow burn but also chaotic.
“Phoenix, enough with the pressure, enough with caging yourself in, just…live with me. Be with me. Fall for me. Let me fall for you, messily and too hard.”
A unique New adult emotionally real romance.
That cliffhanger! Need the next now.
“Why are you burning this?”
February 5, 2023
4⭐️ jesus this was toxic, and i don’t know how to feel
May 31, 2021
Every now and then you come through a book that just hits too close to reality. This is that book. Not something that everyone can kinda get into. READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS BEFORE YOU START THIS PEOPLE.
This books screams emotions. Grief, lust, love, friendship,anger, numbness, happy, it has it's own fair share of cheeky naughty moments and a whole lot of fighting just to BE THERE.
This is not the kind of love we usually read about. It is not about the love that is based on soft kisses and cuddles and hugs and chocolates. This is anger, screaming , confessions, opening up and a whole lot of vulnerability.
I think we need more books like these. More raw pure emotions. Because as much as I love all things cute and lovely and sexy and hot, people need to see a whole another perspective of it all.
Phoenix Royal is such a strong headed woman who has seen it all in her life emotionally.She faced her evil very young in her life. She almost killed herself when a song saved her. She felt everything too much and shut it out when things got loud. She shut herself so people around her won't hurt. She all in all is a very strong personality. Not afraid to own herself. Emotionally, physically and sexually.
I sold my soul to the devil for a chance to make music. Now he held me by the throat and choked me while I failed.
Judah mf colt. You sir are something. He came from the same place as Phoenix. Fucked up big time. His demons are so loud and so angry. But he almost keeps them at bay for Phoenix. Was a famous rapper with everything luxurious. Ladies, money, fame , crowds cheering his name. He had everything. And he hated it all with a passion.Yet he was almost himself with his little bird.
There, in the middle of the crowd, I saw the truth in his eyes as he bared his soul to me without even realizing it. He was hurting, big time. He was scared, more than he had been before. He was doubting himself to the point where giving up was becoming an option—I could see it, because I knew how it felt.
Them meeting each other was a bomb blowing up. They both knew they were both the same thing, broken and hurting and ... misunderstood to an extent.
“You piss me off because I hate that I don’t know what hurts you,”
Phoenix ran. And Judah made sure she didn't.
The dynamic and the relationship between these two was nowhere near healthy. They fought. Screamed. Cried. Tested each other's limits. Broke things. Let's conclude with toxic.
It was toxic. But real. Things people can almost relate too maybe. They have unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Their trauma bonded them. Their own demons brought them together.
She made me love her.
She made me need her, crave her.
I actually wanted to bleed for her, all over her. Just to show her I would.
That was my baby.
My girl.
My little bird.
I would surely recommend this book to whoever in their lives ever thought they were alone or thought that their demons were too much to handle.
My baby left me, but I wouldn’t let her go far.
Sick and insane.
She was still mine.
Let the games begin, Baby Bird.
The ending is the reason I'll stay up tonight.
Let's just put it out there.
I am dying to read what the next book will drag me into
Can't wait!!
This books screams emotions. Grief, lust, love, friendship,anger, numbness, happy, it has it's own fair share of cheeky naughty moments and a whole lot of fighting just to BE THERE.
This is not the kind of love we usually read about. It is not about the love that is based on soft kisses and cuddles and hugs and chocolates. This is anger, screaming , confessions, opening up and a whole lot of vulnerability.
I think we need more books like these. More raw pure emotions. Because as much as I love all things cute and lovely and sexy and hot, people need to see a whole another perspective of it all.
Phoenix Royal is such a strong headed woman who has seen it all in her life emotionally.She faced her evil very young in her life. She almost killed herself when a song saved her. She felt everything too much and shut it out when things got loud. She shut herself so people around her won't hurt. She all in all is a very strong personality. Not afraid to own herself. Emotionally, physically and sexually.
I sold my soul to the devil for a chance to make music. Now he held me by the throat and choked me while I failed.
Judah mf colt. You sir are something. He came from the same place as Phoenix. Fucked up big time. His demons are so loud and so angry. But he almost keeps them at bay for Phoenix. Was a famous rapper with everything luxurious. Ladies, money, fame , crowds cheering his name. He had everything. And he hated it all with a passion.Yet he was almost himself with his little bird.
There, in the middle of the crowd, I saw the truth in his eyes as he bared his soul to me without even realizing it. He was hurting, big time. He was scared, more than he had been before. He was doubting himself to the point where giving up was becoming an option—I could see it, because I knew how it felt.
Them meeting each other was a bomb blowing up. They both knew they were both the same thing, broken and hurting and ... misunderstood to an extent.
“You piss me off because I hate that I don’t know what hurts you,”
Phoenix ran. And Judah made sure she didn't.
The dynamic and the relationship between these two was nowhere near healthy. They fought. Screamed. Cried. Tested each other's limits. Broke things. Let's conclude with toxic.
It was toxic. But real. Things people can almost relate too maybe. They have unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Their trauma bonded them. Their own demons brought them together.
She made me love her.
She made me need her, crave her.
I actually wanted to bleed for her, all over her. Just to show her I would.
That was my baby.
My girl.
My little bird.
I would surely recommend this book to whoever in their lives ever thought they were alone or thought that their demons were too much to handle.
My baby left me, but I wouldn’t let her go far.
Sick and insane.
She was still mine.
Let the games begin, Baby Bird.
The ending is the reason I'll stay up tonight.
Let's just put it out there.
I am dying to read what the next book will drag me into
Can't wait!!
June 25, 2021
the 2 main characters were so annoying tbh and what was the structure of this?? for 95% they kept saying no this wont work out i have trust issues and no one else understands me blah blah and being dramatic asf and then in the last 4% it skips to a month later and in 2 chapters says that everything went to shit? whyd it skip all of that?
and the end was just pathetic plssss so he wants ~revenge~ on her cause she said he should keep writing music and SOME people don’t like it (which is just what the world’s like- not everyone likes everything omfg) so he’s being a drama queen? please i cannot with this- honestly how is it her fault in any way? honestly what even. and he was a complete dick at the end, of course she left when he was almost cheating on her every night . idk this book just didn’t work out for me😩‼️
and the end was just pathetic plssss so he wants ~revenge~ on her cause she said he should keep writing music and SOME people don’t like it (which is just what the world’s like- not everyone likes everything omfg) so he’s being a drama queen? please i cannot with this- honestly how is it her fault in any way? honestly what even. and he was a complete dick at the end, of course she left when he was almost cheating on her every night . idk this book just didn’t work out for me😩‼️
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 21, 2020
“Because, Baby Bird, I’m crazier than you are. We’re a match made in hell.”
This review is going to just be a stream of consciousness because I just finished this book and my head is all kinds of fucked up but I need to write a review while its all fresh. If suicide and mental illness are triggering for you please don't read this review.
As soon as Brianna started teasing this book a few months ago, I knew I was going to like it, but what I didn't expect was how deeply this book would touch me. This is a story about two very broken people who come together by chance and embark on a path of love, destruction and straight up toxic behavior. They are each others salvation and damnation.
Phoenix Royal is a character with deep scars and has been drowning with her demons since she was a kid. While I have never experienced the horrors that Pheonix has had to live through, I have battled depression and anxiety for the last 10 years. I've spent years drowning in my own pain because it was easier to live with the demons than to fight them. I am a survivor of a very drastic suicide attempt and I was told the fact that I'm alive is miracle. I'm not saying this to be dramatic but my survival was a rebirth for me. From that day I made a pact with myself to TRY. To keep treading water. I'm not magically better, depression will be in my corner for the rest of my life but living is fighting. We keep going. There were so many things that Pheonix says that had me break down in tears because I just understood it so deeply.
"I got comfortable in the stony silence of misery—it almost felt good to drown because treading water took up too much energy. I didn’t have any to spare"
Judah Colt, though....I just loved him so much. In my eyes he was a broken, little boy who just desperately wanted to be loved. I think if you read this book you will find yourself wanting to protect him and smack him all at the same time. I also think we can all relate to his insecurities.
This book was a wild ride of love, pain, sex, drugs and music. I'm not even a fan of rap or hiphop music but I found myself listening to the WAYH playlist nonstop this past week. I cannot wait for book 2 after that ending and I have a feeling it's going to be even more painful.
Brianna, thank you for writing this book. You said that you have pieces of yourself all over this novel and I just want you to know I appreciate you so much for bearing your soul for us and for these characters. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
CW: heavy drug and alcohol use, mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation, PTSD, depression, anxiety, mentions of domestic and child abuse, physical violence, gun violence, toxic relationships.
This review is going to just be a stream of consciousness because I just finished this book and my head is all kinds of fucked up but I need to write a review while its all fresh. If suicide and mental illness are triggering for you please don't read this review.
As soon as Brianna started teasing this book a few months ago, I knew I was going to like it, but what I didn't expect was how deeply this book would touch me. This is a story about two very broken people who come together by chance and embark on a path of love, destruction and straight up toxic behavior. They are each others salvation and damnation.
Phoenix Royal is a character with deep scars and has been drowning with her demons since she was a kid. While I have never experienced the horrors that Pheonix has had to live through, I have battled depression and anxiety for the last 10 years. I've spent years drowning in my own pain because it was easier to live with the demons than to fight them. I am a survivor of a very drastic suicide attempt and I was told the fact that I'm alive is miracle. I'm not saying this to be dramatic but my survival was a rebirth for me. From that day I made a pact with myself to TRY. To keep treading water. I'm not magically better, depression will be in my corner for the rest of my life but living is fighting. We keep going. There were so many things that Pheonix says that had me break down in tears because I just understood it so deeply.
"I got comfortable in the stony silence of misery—it almost felt good to drown because treading water took up too much energy. I didn’t have any to spare"
Judah Colt, though....I just loved him so much. In my eyes he was a broken, little boy who just desperately wanted to be loved. I think if you read this book you will find yourself wanting to protect him and smack him all at the same time. I also think we can all relate to his insecurities.
This book was a wild ride of love, pain, sex, drugs and music. I'm not even a fan of rap or hiphop music but I found myself listening to the WAYH playlist nonstop this past week. I cannot wait for book 2 after that ending and I have a feeling it's going to be even more painful.
Brianna, thank you for writing this book. You said that you have pieces of yourself all over this novel and I just want you to know I appreciate you so much for bearing your soul for us and for these characters. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
CW: heavy drug and alcohol use, mentions of suicide and suicidal ideation, PTSD, depression, anxiety, mentions of domestic and child abuse, physical violence, gun violence, toxic relationships.
July 15, 2020
ALL MY REVIEWS CAN BE FOUND ON MY BLOG: ABSTRACT BOOKS
Why are you here is a standalone contemporary romance novel. Told in dual perspectives , this is Judah and Phoenix's story.
This was the first book that I have read of this author and I am absolutely in love with how she twisted words to give such a raw emotional love story. Let me tell you , this is not at all a simple love story. There were tons of triggers and my heart hurt so much for what both the characters went through.
Judah and Phoenix were marvelous characters. Their story made me cry and beg at the same time for them to end up together ! Such a raw tale of love. Their love was toxic but they couldn't seem to stay away. I felt everything these characters were feeling and my heart feels as if it has been through an emotional rollercoaster!
This book has definitely made it to my top reads and I would recommend it to all the contemporary romance lovers , who would like an emotional ride that makes them cry and laugh at the same time!
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July 15, 2020
’There, in the middle of the crowd, I saw the truth in his eyes as he bared his soul to me without even realising it.’
WOW. I mean, this book left me literally speechless. I had no words and I’ve had to wait a few days to write my review as I just didn’t know how to convey how I was feeling in written words that would make sense. I am also aware that these words won’t be enough to convey my love for this book.
Phoenix and Judah are messed up. They’re both struggling mentally with life and have unhealthy coping mechanisms. They’re real, raw and unedited in the way they react to what life throws at them and are so relatable it hurts. Their relationship is full of emotion; both love and hate and literally everything in between. It’s realistic and gutting, the writing and the characters draw you in until you are living and breathing that lifestyle and the world they inhabit.
Whenever I’ve tried to sum this book up I’ve found myself in tears. Seriously, go and read this book!
This is the first book I’ve read by Brianna Jean and I can promise it won’t be the last. The writing and world building of Why Are You Here? was amazing and I felt like I was experiencing every high and every low right alongside them.
The ending absolutely wrecked me. I am dying to read the second book as I have to know what happens next; even if I’m aware that I’m not going to like it.
I recommend this book to everybody who has at some point felt like they don’t belong or as if they aren’t enough. This book got me on so many emotional levels and I really connected to just how Judah and P are feeling and acting. Eurgh. I’m just in love with the messy perfection of this book.
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
WOW. I mean, this book left me literally speechless. I had no words and I’ve had to wait a few days to write my review as I just didn’t know how to convey how I was feeling in written words that would make sense. I am also aware that these words won’t be enough to convey my love for this book.
Phoenix and Judah are messed up. They’re both struggling mentally with life and have unhealthy coping mechanisms. They’re real, raw and unedited in the way they react to what life throws at them and are so relatable it hurts. Their relationship is full of emotion; both love and hate and literally everything in between. It’s realistic and gutting, the writing and the characters draw you in until you are living and breathing that lifestyle and the world they inhabit.
Whenever I’ve tried to sum this book up I’ve found myself in tears. Seriously, go and read this book!
This is the first book I’ve read by Brianna Jean and I can promise it won’t be the last. The writing and world building of Why Are You Here? was amazing and I felt like I was experiencing every high and every low right alongside them.
The ending absolutely wrecked me. I am dying to read the second book as I have to know what happens next; even if I’m aware that I’m not going to like it.
I recommend this book to everybody who has at some point felt like they don’t belong or as if they aren’t enough. This book got me on so many emotional levels and I really connected to just how Judah and P are feeling and acting. Eurgh. I’m just in love with the messy perfection of this book.
I received an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
July 15, 2020
Anyone that knows me knows how MUCH I LOVE/OBSESS OVER MGK. And the fact that he was Brianna’s muse I immediate to read this. And thank the fucking Devil I did. This book will PULL at you. It’ll pull your mind, body, and fucking soul. The MC’s are battling demons that neither of them want to admit to each other. These demons EAT at them which causes them to EAT at their relationship. Facing the odds this couple makes it. But will they make it? That’s the cliffhanger. I was ENTHRALLED at this book. And now I’m crying waiting for the next book.
September 11, 2021
This book is depressing as fuck and ngl had me sweating my palm throughout. My emotions are all over the place just like Judah and Phoenix depiction and dynamic.
July 17, 2020
“𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘨, 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘪𝘵—𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘐 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩”
how do i even start this review? ok so. WOW.
Why Are You Here by Brianna Jean is the first book in the Love Kills trilogy and let me tell ya you’re not ready for it. I wasn’t ready for it. This world. These characters. EVERYTHING about this story was purely amazing. It had all the elements you could want in a rockstar/celebrity romance. A strong heroine, a empowering female friendship, a DEEP connection between the hero and heroine and side characters that are just so intriguing and fun.
The author’s writing style is brilliant. everything felt so real from the emotions to the surroundings and description. i didn’t even have to try to turn on my imagination because the writing did that for me. it’s like i was there from the moment i started reading and i could see everything and feel everything the characters did. like i said. BRILLIANT.
Judah and Phoenix are two broken souls, both tortured by their own past and by the trauma that came with it. They are twin flames, and as soon as they met there was no going back. They fight. A lot. They’re toxic. Big time. But they are the same. One soul split between two bodies.
Judah fucking Colt, you my guy, are messed up and oh how i love you. His demons are so loud and so dangerous i just want to hug him and hide him from everyone that makes him feel like he’s not enough or that he’s not worth it. Because he is. Judah Colt is worth it. *sobs*
Phoenix Royal is such a strong heroine. I don’t even know how to describe her. After all the trauma she’s been through and after all the time she spent being miserable by herself because she didn’t want others to fall with her she still ended up being powerful and strong as hell. This woman is a QUEEN. My heart ached for her in the end. Literally shattered but i’m not get into that because i cried enough last night 😭
Now the side characters. I fell in love with each and every one of them. Especially Frankie, Phoenix’s best friend. *marry me pls* Their girl gang is to die for. The guys were all soo fun and such an interesting group as well. Also i feel like Pharaoh, Judah’s best friend, will play a big part in the next books. I just have this feeling from the vibes he was giving towards the end and im dying of curiosity 🤔
I don’t have enough words to explain how much i loved this book and this whole world Brianna created. It was brilliant. Heartbreaking. Heated. Perfect for all those damaged souls out there that can relate to the pain your mind and body can go through when the demons become too much.
K i think i’m done. Well until i heal after that ending. Brianna Jean you ruined me. Love you.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: “This is a work of fiction with mature themes such as emotional trauma, drug use, strong language, infidelity, and suicide references. It is not recommended for anyone under the age of 18.”
*i received an ARC for an honest review*
how do i even start this review? ok so. WOW.
Why Are You Here by Brianna Jean is the first book in the Love Kills trilogy and let me tell ya you’re not ready for it. I wasn’t ready for it. This world. These characters. EVERYTHING about this story was purely amazing. It had all the elements you could want in a rockstar/celebrity romance. A strong heroine, a empowering female friendship, a DEEP connection between the hero and heroine and side characters that are just so intriguing and fun.
The author’s writing style is brilliant. everything felt so real from the emotions to the surroundings and description. i didn’t even have to try to turn on my imagination because the writing did that for me. it’s like i was there from the moment i started reading and i could see everything and feel everything the characters did. like i said. BRILLIANT.
Judah and Phoenix are two broken souls, both tortured by their own past and by the trauma that came with it. They are twin flames, and as soon as they met there was no going back. They fight. A lot. They’re toxic. Big time. But they are the same. One soul split between two bodies.
Judah fucking Colt, you my guy, are messed up and oh how i love you. His demons are so loud and so dangerous i just want to hug him and hide him from everyone that makes him feel like he’s not enough or that he’s not worth it. Because he is. Judah Colt is worth it. *sobs*
Phoenix Royal is such a strong heroine. I don’t even know how to describe her. After all the trauma she’s been through and after all the time she spent being miserable by herself because she didn’t want others to fall with her she still ended up being powerful and strong as hell. This woman is a QUEEN. My heart ached for her in the end. Literally shattered but i’m not get into that because i cried enough last night 😭
Now the side characters. I fell in love with each and every one of them. Especially Frankie, Phoenix’s best friend. *marry me pls* Their girl gang is to die for. The guys were all soo fun and such an interesting group as well. Also i feel like Pharaoh, Judah’s best friend, will play a big part in the next books. I just have this feeling from the vibes he was giving towards the end and im dying of curiosity 🤔
I don’t have enough words to explain how much i loved this book and this whole world Brianna created. It was brilliant. Heartbreaking. Heated. Perfect for all those damaged souls out there that can relate to the pain your mind and body can go through when the demons become too much.
K i think i’m done. Well until i heal after that ending. Brianna Jean you ruined me. Love you.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: “This is a work of fiction with mature themes such as emotional trauma, drug use, strong language, infidelity, and suicide references. It is not recommended for anyone under the age of 18.”
*i received an ARC for an honest review*
December 19, 2020
I have been putting off reading this book since it came out, wanting to wait for book 2 because I knew this book contained a lot of triggers for me. Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts. Those are things I struggle with a lot & if you do, be advised that this contains lots of toxic coping skills and talk of suicide. I knew Judah & Phoenix were going to be the death of me & could feel that they were going to be so intense & boyyy is intense an understatement. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to read because WAYH isn’t the book that’s going to tear me apart. No, this one? This is just the introduction, the timid toe dip that convinces you the water’s not that bad then you dive in & it’s so cold and deep it leaves you breathless. I have a feeling YSYW is going to be the dive.
Brianna Jean warns you of the toxicity between these two giant personalities & there is definitely manipulation & fighting galore. The petty arguments we see in this book weren’t awful but I found myself wanting to shake them both, tell them to pull their heads out of their asses & just fucking LET IT HAPPEN. Phoenix’s back & forth dragged on for way too long. While I get the hesitation to start something so serious when you’re not in a good headspace, I wanted her to shit or get off the pot. Judah was a fucking DREAM. I loved him so much, he was so candid & emotional. I’m scared & excited to see just how toxic these two get. The friendships created were funny, deep, & I loved Frankie & Pharaoh. The book was a little slow as it’s more building the foundation and waiting EIGHTY PERCENT FOR SOME DICK nearly killed me. But I guess waiting for 9 inches is worth it.
July 14, 2020
My guard was slipping, little by little. I felt myself sliding into too comfortable, too fast when we'd barely survived a whole six hours together, but despite the shitty moments we has... I never felt so fucking alive.
This book was absolutely gut wrenching. There were so many times that this book literally took my breath away.
Author stripped the souls of the main characters bare, crafting a vision of nothing but pure, primal and intense emotions. Watching them falling in love melted my heart. The chemistry was so explosive, the banter intoxicating, even in their world filled with mists of angst and despair.
So raw and passionate! Nothing and nobody could have prepared me for this. It's the type of a love story that you can't put down and don't want to let go. So beautiful, almost like a mirage.
Because I heard every word
All the stars in this world!
This book was absolutely gut wrenching. There were so many times that this book literally took my breath away.
Author stripped the souls of the main characters bare, crafting a vision of nothing but pure, primal and intense emotions. Watching them falling in love melted my heart. The chemistry was so explosive, the banter intoxicating, even in their world filled with mists of angst and despair.
So raw and passionate! Nothing and nobody could have prepared me for this. It's the type of a love story that you can't put down and don't want to let go. So beautiful, almost like a mirage.
Because I heard every word
All the stars in this world!
July 12, 2020
I woke up this morning and all I could think about was Judah fucking Colt. Yeah, this book took me on a ride. I don’t think I can put into words what I felt reading WAYH and I have to commend Brianna for writing something that feels so raw, so honestly real, even in the midst of a fictional world.
Judah and Phoenix are two broken people, trying to find light in the dark. Their relationship is toxic— but at the same time it’s so, so beautiful?!! Like I said, I can’t put this into words, because THERE ARE NO WORDS.
A must read, I’ll be recommending it to everyone.
READ THIS BOOK!
-arc exchanged for honest review-
Judah and Phoenix are two broken people, trying to find light in the dark. Their relationship is toxic— but at the same time it’s so, so beautiful?!! Like I said, I can’t put this into words, because THERE ARE NO WORDS.
A must read, I’ll be recommending it to everyone.
READ THIS BOOK!
-arc exchanged for honest review-
July 20, 2020
I honestly don’t know how to write my feelings.
This book was a hard read for me.
I tend to lean on blissful happiness. I’m the first to admit while I have trials, they are nothing like that these characters face.
There were moments that I questioned if they should even be together.
I’m mentally exhausted reading. I felt like I was going through life as these characters.
All this aside, it is written beautifully tragically.
Love isn’t easy.
Love isn’t perfect.
Love sometimes isn’t the best thing.
Love can heal, but it can also break you...... or in this case break my readers heart.
This book was a hard read for me.
I tend to lean on blissful happiness. I’m the first to admit while I have trials, they are nothing like that these characters face.
There were moments that I questioned if they should even be together.
I’m mentally exhausted reading. I felt like I was going through life as these characters.
All this aside, it is written beautifully tragically.
Love isn’t easy.
Love isn’t perfect.
Love sometimes isn’t the best thing.
Love can heal, but it can also break you...... or in this case break my readers heart.
June 8, 2021
MF- twin flames, music/artist, tons of emotion damage
This book crawled into my brain, twisted my emotions to the point where I was had a huge smile on my face one minute and on the verge of tears the next, and then broke me with that ending. Judah and Phoenix -- their chemistry is undeniable, but has the potential to be tragically toxic.
I need to go process, look to see when the next book is out, and find a book hangover cure. FML. 😂
Definitely recommend.
This book crawled into my brain, twisted my emotions to the point where I was had a huge smile on my face one minute and on the verge of tears the next, and then broke me with that ending. Judah and Phoenix -- their chemistry is undeniable, but has the potential to be tragically toxic.
I need to go process, look to see when the next book is out, and find a book hangover cure. FML. 😂
Definitely recommend.
November 13, 2022
This book was probably the messiest, most toxic book I’ve read and unlike the majority of people, I am here for it. The more fucked up the better.
Why did falling in love hurt?
These two absolutely pushed each other to their limits and every time they fought and broke something I felt like I was there with them, experiencing it because I came out of this book drained as fuck. But I also absolutely devoured it and couldn’t put it down because that push and pull, that angst that was bleeding through the pages was what kept my ass stuck in my chair flipping pages quicker than I could say TOXIC!
You’re the only thing that quiets the noise.
These characters (including the side characters have my heart) and I’m really hoping they get books too. I love me some found family.
Fight me baby, push me.
Please don’t take this book lightly. There are triggers galore. These people are broken and you live every raw, fucked up moment with them. This is a rockstar romance. Judah, the rockstar and Phoenix, his fan. But also his everything. I am rooting for these two SO much I also know that these next two books are going to hurt and push me to my limits. But I’m ready and I’m off to dive head first into tour life 🙌🏻
Why did falling in love hurt?
These two absolutely pushed each other to their limits and every time they fought and broke something I felt like I was there with them, experiencing it because I came out of this book drained as fuck. But I also absolutely devoured it and couldn’t put it down because that push and pull, that angst that was bleeding through the pages was what kept my ass stuck in my chair flipping pages quicker than I could say TOXIC!
You’re the only thing that quiets the noise.
These characters (including the side characters have my heart) and I’m really hoping they get books too. I love me some found family.
Fight me baby, push me.
Please don’t take this book lightly. There are triggers galore. These people are broken and you live every raw, fucked up moment with them. This is a rockstar romance. Judah, the rockstar and Phoenix, his fan. But also his everything. I am rooting for these two SO much I also know that these next two books are going to hurt and push me to my limits. But I’m ready and I’m off to dive head first into tour life 🙌🏻
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